The Ups and Downs

Life at work really sucks for the past few weeks. Although things are picking up again for the past week or so, but the period was quiet a downer for me.

It has been a frustrating few weeks of that period, at least in the workplace. Thank God for my family at home that act as a beacon during those tired weeks. I know it may not be as severe as some people, not as if I had to be laid off or anything but it feels like I'd hit a brick wall... hard.

Unreasonable request, trying to find solutions for impossible tasks, crazy datelines, changing requirements and to top that off uncertainties of the future of the company.

Office Politics is starting to rear its ugly head, not that it never happened before, only lately it affected me. I have been keeping a low profile lately and seemingly that is not enough. There seems to be some movements of late, I sensed that those movements are the results of the power struggle.

I keep thinking to myself, what am I doing here, why am I still here? There are more questions than I dare to answer. Or maybe I am afraid of the answers. I was behind on my work, the desire went away for a while. The drive was missing during that period, and going to work was not something that I look forward to in the mornings.

There are too many battles to be fought to ensure everything is a what it should be. I cant win each and every battle, so I have to choose when to make my stand. At least my team understands the stand that I have to take. To see what you have build being turned to something of a mockery, a rojak and a mish mash of everything that was not thought through and with anything under the sun thrown in as an afterthought makes even the dedicated guys down.

It used to be fun, what I am doing, It was a great learning process, and the characters filling the environment made it more bearable. With the high rate of turnover of late, changing of guards at the top, the custodian of the ship trying to direct an unsteerable ship, nobody knows where the hell this collective is heading. You lose the expertise and expect new fresh recruits to be an expert. You cant bring in experts coz they are too expensive. You cant retain people because they are offered much much more outside.

When you operate within a certain parameter, people sell what is way outside the parameter. When we cant deliver they say think outside the box.... but in actual fact they are still in the box. These ignoramous think they are so called thinking outside the box without realising thay are still in the box, not knowing how big the box is, not knowing the where the box is and not knowing whether the box exists!

I was tired, I was frustrated, I was down, but now seems a bit better like a calm before the storm. Tomorrow... who knows, could be better or I could be somewhere else.

Apologies for the rambling. Anyone reading this would not know heads or tails. I just need to release this frustration with this nonsense that I am writing. Probably part of my therapy :)

cheers